For those times when you want to disintegrate into absolute nothingness

Sometimes I want to spontaneously transform into a microscopic fleck of dust and fly far far away.

Sometimes I want to curl up as tight as possible into an invisible little ball and be buried hundreds of miles beneath the soil.

Sometimes I want to vanish into thin air and reappear in my own isolated cave that certainly can’t be found on google maps.

Sometimes I want to be hurled into outer space until I have exited the Milky Way.

Sometimes I want to go the rest of my life wearing a giant garbage bag that covers my entire body.

Sometimes I want to wear an elaborately bedazzled human muzzle as an excuse to never speak again or embarrass myself or be misunderstood.

Sometimes I want to dive into the ocean and never come back up.

Sometimes I want to erase myself from the minds of everyone who’s ever known me and completely start fresh.

Sometimes I want to remain locked in a tiny cozy room in fetal position for eternity and forget that civilization and taxes and Instagram and responsibilities and relationships and any and all human problems exist.

And sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs that all of this, all of this, all of this, is normal. And human. And not something to be diagnosed, shamed, denied, or pathologized.

I love my magical ass life. I love being me. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.

And yet, no one is immune from fantasizing about the sheer ecstasy of disintegrating, hiding, avoiding, surrendering, running away.

The ecstasy of escaping human suffering.

The ecstasy of truly being at peace.

I’ve found that when we no longer judge or deny our existential human urges and fantasies, and we instead get curious about them, we find that these natural inclinations are connected to our deepest wisdom and power.

Not because we’re “meant” to actually follow them through.

But because they reveal the parts of ourselves that we’ve only ever allowed to live in the shadows.

The parts that want to protect, make a change, set a boundary, express your truth, or some other courageous and soulful act of self-honoring.

Ask yourself, “What is the deeper part of myself that this urge is wanting me to access?”

Take a breath. Get curious. Drop the shame.

And hold yourself with the utmost tenderness and care.

You are the only promised ally who will be there until your final breath.

Protect that relationship with everything you’ve got.

-

Nadine Hamilton is a certified Somatic Sexuality Coach and devoted Practitioner of somatic healing, embodied power, emotional alchemy, and earth-based spirituality, offering coaching and mentorship that guide soulful, driven women to unleash their wildest expression, expand their capacities for pleasure and intimacy, fall in love with their true erotic nature, and remember their own divinity.

Explore Nadine’s transformative collection of heartfelt offerings, resources, and freebies here.