I asked an almost stranger to witness me masturbate 5 days ago. Here's what I learned.
I asked an almost stranger to witness me masturbate 5 days ago 👀
Here's what I learned...
As part of a Somatic Sexology certification, part of our homework last week was to engage in two “mindful masturbation” sessions –
One as the Witness of someone else’s self-pleasure practice and one while being witnessed during my own.
I can’t say the assignment was totally out of my comfort zone or off-brand.
I’ve been witnessed many times by partners and lovers, have done witchy self-pleasure rituals and sex magick alongside friends, have been part of self-pleasure circles of up to 100 women, and have been witnessed during retreats.
But what was different about this particular experience is that the Witness was to be fully clothed, could not be someone that I have any romantic or erotic connection with, and only one person could be masturbating during each “session,” while the other simply watches in silence.
AKA - full attention and spotlight on you. During one of the single most vulnerable, intimate, exposed, and culturally shamed & taboo acts that humans engage in.
Although a cocktail of feelings, thoughts, and emotions came up during both experiences (nerves, excitement, awkwardness, bliss, joy, connection, distraction, grief), the resounding undertone was NORMALCY.
It feels so f**king normal to watch someone doing something so utterly… human.
So utterly natural. Healthy. Divine. Beautiful. Raw. Intimate. Self-loving. Primordial. Honest. Instinctual. Tender.
No performing, goals, or expectations. Just authentically connecting with your body.
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As I was being witnessed in my orgasmic surrender, I physically felt the remnants of childhood shame leaving my body.
I felt the presence of my inner child/teenager, who felt so ashamed and disgusted by my self-pleasuring and swore that it must remain my “biggest secret in the whole world” that no one could ever find out about.
To be seen through the eyes of love, acceptance, and encouragement was a reclamation in every cell of my being.
I noticed myself bringing even more presence, care, intention, and mindfulness to every single breath, touch, sound, and movement, as having another human’s eyes on you brings far deeper self-awareness and a tangible shift in consciousness.
It was an immensely powerful meditation.
You see...
Shame brews in the shadows. Shame loves to be hidden.
To be lovingly seen, really seen, is to un-shame. To be seen is to liberate.
And to serve as someone else’s Witness felt like the truest honor and gift... like someone inviting me inside of their most cherished, sacred, private, protected treasure or temple.
I noticed old, lingering conditioning dissolving in my mind and body that was taught it’s “creepy,” perverted, sick, weird, or wrong to watch someone pleasuring themselves.
And, too, there was grief. Oh, the grief.
Grief and sadness for the countless people in the world who will never have an experience like this, where their masturbation, pleasure, sexuality, and bodies – exactly. as. they. are. – are met with utter belonging, safety, cherishing, affirmation, and embracing.
The gratitude and reverence I feel for how my soul chose this life path brings me to tears. Often.
… The path of walking directly into the shadows, the places we’ve been told not to go. And STILL finding divinity there. Still finding love, dignity, beauty, truth, liberation.
If your flavor of spirituality doesn’t recognize the godliness of sex, I don’t want it.
Do you feel the same?
If so, I have an upcoming opportunity that I specifically designed to reignite vaginal sensation, awaken exquisite pleasure over time, enhance self-love and self-intimacy, gently release sexual blockages and pelvic tension, become literate in the language of your sexuality, and rediscover your body as the living, erotic temple it is.
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This is an incredibly powerful way to either dip your toes into this work or expand even deeper into your current practice & explorations.
I would be honored to welcome you inside. And I trust that your body will thank you.
With love and pleasure,
Nadine
Nadine Hamilton
Integrative Sex & Embodiment Coach ⊹ Somatic Intimacy Educator ⊹ Host of The Sensuous